Too Abhorrent to Review?

A year ago when I set down the path of reviewing weird and interesting films I never planned on digging into movies dealing with Evil Heinous Horror Murder-Babies, that was just the way that things unfolded. I got slapped with two abortion-themed horror movie monsters back to back and yet another one unexpectedly tackled me last Saturday during Saturday Night Terrors over on B-Movie TV. I just feel that a break is required for the onslaught of “baby horror” so I turned to my own collection when the week of Christmas hit and my family was in town. I got some neat little bits of swag as well as a new horror movie. The thing is, it was the last horror movie that I had added to my “Movies Wish List” on Amazon. We all know how those work; you specifically search for something or see something cool and mark it for later, eventually compiling a giant collection of things that end up becoming unavailable because you never bothered to get it or waited too long. Here it was though, staring me in the face.

Lucker
Oh, fuck me.

Lucker. I was actually holding Lucker. A while back this movie had played on Saturday night and absolutely blown my horror mind. Several seasoned horror fans had to leave the chat and stop watching, people kept flipping out, and I was rocked to my very core with shock, disgust, disbelief, and the desire to shower. Lucker is not, I repeat, not a film for the casual horror fan or those with a weak constitution and yet I put it on my list due to how profoundly it had affected me. I hadn’t been shocked or disgusted by a horror movie in a very, very long time so I wanted to remember this one in the event that I ever wanted to add it to my collection and now all of a sudden I had it. Frankly, I didn’t know even know what to do with it! My parents had no idea, no inkling at all as to what they had bestowed unto me.

The title and tagline immediately tell you what Lucker The Necrophagous is about. The word “necrophagous” translated into “eater of the dead” in English and as for “your death being only the beginning”? Yes well, interestingly enough if you type out “necrophagous”, your computer will want to auto-correct it to “necrophiliac”. Lucker does both and prefers “ripe” meat in both cases. Oh, and as a quick side note, if you search the word you get this as a top result:

movie_search

Yes indeed, what made you look this word? I can’t recall seeing that attached to any other word search I’ve ever done. Weird Shit with Alex: Getting Flagged so You Don’t!

Back on the topic at hand. I could write out a review for Lucker The Necrophagous easily enough; the uncut version is only sixty-eight minutes long and the included VHS version even less. What makes me hesitate at the threshold is whether or not my audience would be able to handle it. After all, writing something that people don’t want to read about would be a bit of a waste of my admittedly intermittent attention span. Allow me to provide some information from the back cover.

In 1986, a young film school student named Johan Vandewoestijne shocked the film community in Belgium by creating on of the most disturbing, controversial and gory films to ever be released in that country. With very little money and a love for the horror genre, [Johan] won the hearts of horror fans worldwide with his little film called Lucker The Necrophagous. For many years, Lucker was one of the most sought after and widely distributed films on the “grey market”. Originally released only on VHS, [Lucker] was distributed poorly. The original film materials were destroyed and Lucker officially became a “lost” film for decades. Now, over 20 years later, director [Johan] has created the ultimate version of his shocking masterpiece using the only existing video materials in his possession. Do you dare experience [Lucker] for yourself?

That question is an important one because if I would do the movie any kind of justice I’d have to go into some really hard detail. Lucker doesn’t censor itself, period, and I think I’d be walking on eggshells because I don’t actually know if WordPress has a boundary that you don’t push. Hell, I don’t know because I never tried pushing it. By this point in writing it all down I can’t make up my mind on whether my apprehension is justified or if I’m being a ninny so let me know in the comments, anyone and everyone. Would you read that? would you want to know more?

Man, methinks the whole point of blogging ends up being that you don’t ask these questions. ಠ_ಠ

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