Late-Night Brains

I have a dental appointment tomorrow morning to have a permanent crown put in and I’ve taken my sleep aid with some food, so of course I feel awake. I’m going to pretend that spending all day at the new house waiting for a locksmith that was actually scheduled for today (That would be yesterday as of this writing), coming home grumpy, and chasing medicated dreams until 3pm has nothing to do with it. New home stuff isn’t fun, I even ended up screwing up my medication refills over it. I now have to play limbo with everything and I’m only moving across town, a small town!

I tried out a new game called Parkasaurus and so far it’s fun, the only problem being that it’s a park simulator and I’ve never picked up the fine skill of managing the layout, just adding things as I get them. My old runs of Theme Park were always terrible. This title doesn’t appear to have the same, “It’s an in-game month in, you’re strapped for funds, your employees hate you, and you’ll just have to jump out the window and kill yourself“, attitude about it. Game-play is more tolerant of mistakes and finding a balance to stay small and keep everyone happy at the start is easily achievable if you think ahead a little bit.

Now it’s 1am. Super, banana muffin you have failed me. Maybe in turn the sleep aid will be easier to climb up from tomorrow morning. Regardless, I have a schedule and a ride on offer so there’s motivation. Speaking of motivation, I’ve learned through MeetUp that there is interest in games/board games/D&D/B-movies here in town but there’s nobody organizing a group. If I take it upon myself to start one, then folks running searches on MeetUp should be able to find it. Alternatively, I could go to the comic shop and game stores where they host games and such and either watch or bring something and set it up, checking with staff first if it’s not a simple “BYOG” day.

Blog-wise, I want to start hacking away at a draft for the horror story I’ve been talking about for several weeks and get some more of the movies that are clogging my Draft section out of the way, never mind the latest one I picked up that promises to be a wonderful mess. I’m also going to try either scripting or diving in to videos as fast as I can since they’ve been getting longer and experience, along with observation, tells me that the majority of folks aren’t into long videos. I consider “four minutes and change” to be long for me and some have gone over that. My last one weighed a whopping thirteen minutes and was boring as hell even for me because the robots in question were garbage and I lost more and more of the “make a fun video” attitude as the damn things refused to work properly or fell apart without warning. The shipping from China wasn’t worth it, and now one of my bots on radar came up as “Available” but the cost of shipping is nearly twice the cost of the original figure. I just can’t bring myself to do it.

I turned thirty-four without having gotten used to being thirty-three. I don’t know what to do with my hair because when it’s short like I prefer it I can almost literally watch the advancing retreat of the treeline and the top is, well, not patchy… threadbare? I have no clue what to call it but I do know that growing it out doesn’t do any favors, in fact it ends up even worse as the hair groups together into herds at what seems to be the whim of the cosmos. I’d just save it all off and not worry if it wasn’t so cold right now. Either way, my indecisiveness has allowed it to grow everywhere else on my head to a length not seen in a decade, making it both bad-looking and annoying on my neck and ears while my forehead just sits there like, “Why am I here?”

I had very little experience with dating in school for brain reasons that would leave you bored. Long story short, a long dating-and-engagement period went supernova and I didn’t help things at the time that I reacted aggressively like an asshole. Thinking clearly was something I had to learn, and not simply like other people. Again, brain boring. Unlike a normal person, I spent a long time at twenty-two feeling angry, withdrawn, and constantly simmering in my own misery. I made no effort to better my situation. That just became the norm for me after that for many changing reasons: a job, an illness, being disabled, not knowing anybody or having the confidence to talk to people. Then a friend and I were discussing the general matter and they asked when the last time I had been on a date was. “Ten years.” That’s when it really sunk in, all the time I wasted on being angry and then later making excuses for. I got stuck on old memories when I should have made new ones and now that time was gone. All the things that I would never know didn’t matter a single bit.

I don’t have a segue for that. My mind is beginning to feel empty of nighttime screaming. Getting the moped requires a PA state license and registration regardless of being 49 cc or not so I have to get that done. Hopefully it’s not as infuriating as trying to do the same in NJ was, something that I never did manage to accomplish because the place is basically just Hell with good food, better access to Uber, and the beach. Now I’m just looping right back into bitter, and that’s supposed to be staying here on this mostly pointless short inner monologue. Why is this writing easy? Life is potatoes.

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