I have stresses on my plate that are about average. I need to get a birthday gift shipped, there’s a smell in the kitchen that I can’t get rid of, I went to see a house that I really liked but it’s outside of town, I have to start working on getting a license, my cat is sitting on me while I try to type this. I have that stuff going on and yet here I am, making yet another entry wherein I shake my own brain like an ex-parrot. “Why won’t you do anything!”
This is coming out like toothpaste and it isn’t even about anything, yet when I have a page of note and an outline in front of me and I’m writing out the next movie review, my brain wants to stop after two paragraphs and, “Let’s see if social media updated!” or “I wants a food!” or “Do a gaming!” When I have no goal in mind my thoughts are happy to just fart away on it but when I know exactly what I want to do I revert to a toddler?
It’s not about instant gratification, brain, so shut up. There’s nothing gratifying in it for me to write semi-comedic ironic entries about how I can’t write when this blog is full of proof to the contrary. We both know that filming is what I’m terrible at. “Oh yay!”, you think, “I posted a thingy!” Bullshit! Several paragraphs of complaints don’t amount to an “entry”.
When you and I got into this partnership we made the agreement that there could be bouts of real-time consciousness streaming through the fingers that may or may not have an actual connection to reality, and in exchange there had to be an equal or greater amount of real content about real stuff and for the most part this agreement has held Weird Shit together. But now that it’s been nearly a year since this whole idea started, I think you’ve started to become complacent and haven’t been holding up your end.
Just take a look at our output over the last two months, brain. Music and bullshit, that’s pretty much all we’ve been serving and I don’t know if you haven’t noticed or simply don’t care, but the joint’s a lot emptier than it’s ever been. I can’t keep up with my friends and other bloggers because I’m trying to wrestle my own ideas out of my head while you would rather watch more movies and play games. I’m still trying to write about the first movie! Do you have any idea how irritating it is when I have to dig through the new plot you’ve piled on top of my current project to retrieve the proper information? No, I don’t think that you do and I don’t think that you care.
So I’m changing the agree- don’t even open your cortex! You lost your say by not saying anything. Putting up an entry means nothing if that entry is just us bickering, nobody wants that. Nobody wants your promises of “getting to that project I mentioned blah blah ago” because neither of us even remember what it was anymore. So you play your games, watch your movies. Just know that when I open up a draft, your needs stop. Your shit isn’t going anywhere but my ideas, my motivation, those have a short half-life and if I can’t get fully into the zone in that window of opportunity then the moment is lost and I’m stuck doing what you want to do.
So right now I’m calling the shots. This movie review is getting published tomorrow. After that, we get a Cool Toy done and when we finish that we’ll move on to the first Strange Fiction entry. Yes, there will be time for other things, too. Don’t be a wrinkly little bitch, ya fuckin’ electric meatloaf.