Lame Toys with Alex, Part 19: Sea Hero White Shark

Tl;dr: if you’d rather skip the praise and get right to the toy hate, continue to the bottom of the page. Also I was aggravated and will be saying “literally” too much.

I am occasionally prone to bouts of intense anger. Being a good blogger, I work to keep such bouts apart from my content and by and large I’ve been pretty good with keeping this up.

*We interrupt this blog entry already in progress to inform the reader that the majority of the written work has been lost due to “because technology” (Pay no attention to the router sticking out of the dishwasher with a broom handle lodged in it.) and that the frustration in this video is now completely validated.

These last two weeks, friends and visitors. These last. Two. Fucking. Weeks. My street finally had a brief period of optimal recording time. There were no trucks loaded with farming supplies rumbling down the road, no locals competing with tourists for driving space, no loud music playing from the balcony across the street, no big party at the frat house a block down, no motorcycles or cars with unnecessarily loud mating calls, and no loud drunks. I had found all of my personal infinity stones and had absolute control over this period of quiet.

So it’s too bad that I had to develop some nasty allergies and work with this plastic asshole:

Sea Hero
“Infinity War was my fault.”

First, allow me to lament how sour this whole project went because this package is fucking glorious, and no, I’m not sure if “Power Machine War Hero” is a thing or not because the only search results I get on any platform are for the War Machine of Marvel fame. But this is a Power Machine, a War Hero, and a Sea Hero, though it could a Power Machine War Hero Sea Hero, or even a Powermachinewarheroseahero.

Oh, no I’m sorry, this is a “ROYAL SEA DINOSAUR DEFORMATION ROBOT!“, but does it “Deformation” or does it “Transfor“? I would think it has to be deformation since it specifically calls it the “Sea Tribe Deformation Surprise Move” and that does sound more official. It even features the whole team! You’ve got Whale Shark, White Shark, Killer Whale, and Dolphin– King. Okay, so “Dolphin Whale” would probably have been dumb but they’ve already done the rest. I suppose something was needed to justify “ROYAL SEA TO WAIT FOR YOU!”

All four robots share the same basic mold and transform in exactly the same way with only the alt-modes being any different. While none of these “sea dinosaurs” can actually do anything as animals, they’re still good enough in the details that I don’t even mind all the seams. I would actually display these if I eventually got all four of them. The issues with quality come out with full-on fin fury once you do transform and swim out however because these robots have some design issues.

Whale Shark’s thicc-boi head in particular certainly doesn’t help with the arm clearance issues created by the fins.

Body hinges are too loose, the sliding legs are too tight, the feet chaotically shift between both for each foot, and getting the chest panel up to hold the head in place is a nail-biter. At least the instructions (“Stretching legs to commence around.”) have the decency to show the actual colors of the figure as opposed to the front cover with its more glitzy version of what the ideal robot ought to look like.

All that aside I do like this figure, I really do. I was just in that place where directors lose their shit while working on their own messed up personal projects. Stress, allergies, re-shoots, fatigue, outside interference, all are hurdles that every creative person must endure.

“Fuck off, Barbara! I can’t see the producers right now, I must face this tooth-to-tooth!”

I’m working on getting this subtitled.


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