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The next few weeks

Weird Shit started off as just the Facebook page and most of the content reflects the stunted format that you have to use there. As such, the next several updated need to be added to or completely re-written in order to make sense in blog format. So I’ll be spending a day or two in attempting to turn Phil into Lloyd, only Phil is from Legal and Lloyd is an exceptional Hippopotamus.

It’s bigger, you get it. Anyway I hope everyone’s weekend is a restful or productive one, depending on your tastes.

(Weird) Watching with Alex, Episode 14: It Came from Florida!

A revised review of some hot garbage and how I ruined Family Night.

Swamp Ape [2017]
Directed/Written by: Geoff Ward
Featuring: Vanessa Capriglione, Justin Brackett & Adam Brudnicki
Produced by: Hollyward Entertainment
Category: Man-in-Ape-Suit “Horror/Comedy”

I spent quite some time making revisions and I still don’t like this review.

I thought I had this movie pinned down in my head. The cover was standard, the trailer was standard, this was going to be a standard independent horror movie about a guy-in-an-ape suit hunting college students. Only it wasn’t because it’s from Florida. Oh, it starts off well enough for a movie filmed with a camcorder: it’s the last trip for the Generic College Science Course and the professor has packed up a van full of students and volunteers to head into the Everglades for an environmental pollution study, foo-fooing the warning of “tonight’s Blood Moon” from the Native American storekeeper for good measure because these characters have really got to deserve what’s coming.

We meet several wooden characters, such as Wendy the Fat Chick, Lily the Awkward Girl, and Mack the Jock, who is summed up completely with “Jock”. I expected this so I go along with it. I also suspect that the IMDB rating of a ridiculously generous “5/10” stems mostly from the fact that the “Anna Marie” character is astonishingly easy on the eyes; I’m not gonna lie, she helped me get through the opening half of this movie. Props to you, Miss Gonzalez, you are a gorgeous woman.

But then we get to what passes for “humor” in Swamp Ape which mostly consists of Wendy constantly snacking because she’s fat or Mack constructing sentences mostly out of the words “homo“, and “gay“. I’m not finding the antics of this group entertaining and they’re all I have until Mr. Fuzzy finally starts doing more than hovering at the edge of the plot. After what feels like much too long, I finally get to the first Swamp Ape kill which is simply hysterical for the sheer level of overkill involved for such a poor effect. At last, some action!

But then the movie, which has already exhibited some jumpy editing, goes Full-Florida and starts to have a seizure, leaping from location to location without any heed to either plot events or the laws of physics. The body count piles up and then we arrive at a point late in the game where the Swamp Ape kidnaps the women and it is here that the importance of the Blood Moon is finally revealed in the “Swamp Brides Scene”, and boy is it done in some of the poorest taste that I’ve seen. I now hold the dubious honor of watching the skunk ape get a big red dog-boner

Swamp Ape then hobbles on to a non-conclusion and drops back to the Amazon page. Good.

Favored Ability: Hair? Fuck, I don’t know.

Rating: 1 (Slimy Rock) [+1 Everglades Setting]

The locations are lush and spectacular with all the animal and plant life that the Everglades have to offer. It’s goofy, it’s got a great lousy ape suit, and the faux-trailer at the beginning wins the Gold Star for not trying. I shouldn’t hate this movie but it’s the Middle School-level humor, the poorly-executed shock bits and and the whole attitude of the film, which is meant to be in good fun but comes of as cinematic trolling, that bring the movie down as a whole for me.

Or it could have been that this was my horror movie choice while having dinner with my parents and they watched it with me. Remember that bit about swamp ape boner? Yeah, that was super awkward, but you do get to see an alligator bite Swamp Ape’s weenie so I guess you have that.

Party!

I’m going to be at a double-birthday party today with friends today. I’ve been getting ready so I don’t have time for a good update today. I’m also nearing the end of my archiving project so I’m going to need to start on the new stuff, which means the Giant Combiner Dragon Robot will finally have its day but also that content will probably not be daily like it’s been so far. If I can think of clever ways to keep it up though, I will.

Lame Toys with Alex, Part 13: The Sirtoys Double-Feature!

A couple of questionable bots from the shelves of SirToys.com

This is the first trial upload from YouTube. The original video already wasn’t great and quality dropped somewhat from the conversion but I’ll still see what people think. If this looks or feels like the quality is too poor, let me know in the comments. I strive to provide you with only the finest Weird, dear viewer.

Personally, I don’t like the overly large black frame very much but the file is an outrageous 140MB+ and I can’t edit it any further because during computer repairs when I went from Windows 8.1 to 10 something did a thing with OpenShot and all the previous files are somehow broken but not broken. Yeah.

Oh, early videos. This one makes me glurk, you’ll see why I opted in later videos to stay behind the camera and am thinking of returning to a written format, even if the upcoming Cool Toys video went well. :-\

EDIT: For some reason the video goes black towards the end. It isn’t supposed to do this and never did. I was able to figure out how to grab the original.

For “The Brave of Gold Goldran”, visit:
The Brave of Gold Goldran
http://www.yusha.net/goldran/
https://www.animenewsnetwork.com/encyclopedia/anime.php…
http://gaogaigar.wikia.com/wiki/Brave_of_Gold_Goldran

For “Turning Mecards”, visit… this. Really, I couldn’t find an official website or even a complete wiki:
Turning Mecards

Handling video content

I’m currently on a plan that allows me a nice amount of room to keep site content but using software that makes formatting video, let’s say, tricky. I’m still figuring out why two videos of the same length and amount of elements can vary so widely in size. So I figure that I’ll just load the remaining archive videos onto my YouTube channel and plant them into posts that way. Let’s see how that goes. :v

Edit: Okay, so thanks to being on Windows 10 now, my videos do not play so I can’t tell which file is the right one in cases where I’ve had to keep changing the format. I am not uploading a half-Gig video onto any platform. OpenShot is rough. I’ll need more time to look into it, until then I’ll go with the “smallest” file size and hope there aren’t any bugs.

(Weird) Watching with Alex, Episode 13: Beer Garden of the Dead

Come visit Rita’s, where the drinks are stiff and so are the locals.

Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies [2016]
Directed by: Dominik Hartl
Written by: Armin Prediger & Dominik Hartl
Featuring: Laurie Calvert, Gabriela Marcinková & Oscar Dyekjær Giese
Produced by: Markus Fischer
(Fischer Films, good luck finding a solid web source because I couldn’t)
Category: Zombie Comedy

AotLZ

Catching a movie right at the beginning on cable TV is tough enough without being a person who doesn’t watch much TV, so when I was scrolling through channels and saw the title “Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies” with a show time of “right now” I took the hook immediately. How could anyone resist a title like that? Now as the opening scene plays out, one of two things is going to happen: either you will immediately break out into raucous belly laughter or you will scoff at the every idea of what you have just seen. For the percentage who scoffed, the door’s to your left.

If that seemed vague it’s due to the fact that this one is going to be tricky right from the start because I can’t really talk about many of the best things about this movie without completely ruining the spectacular W-T-F factor they slap you in the face with, but there’s still plenty of general plot stuff inherent to any zombie flick that we can cover together. Continue reading “(Weird) Watching with Alex, Episode 13: Beer Garden of the Dead”

Update on the new house

There is no new dream house, somebody offered cash. My mood and energy just dropped out through the soles of my feet. The whole family is going through different forms of anger and grief. I just got a cake and ordered a bunch of Chinese food. It’ll be bad movies tonight and stomach regrets tomorrow.

So I’m taking a break today. I just got in from a day of doctor appointments and now that I have this news I just don’t have the drive to edit right now.

Cool Toys with Alex, Part 5: Lego Dimensions Bad Cop!

How I got suckered into one of those peripheral-based games.

The world of gaming has seen a rising trend in peripheral titles. Back in the “old days”, “peripheral” referred to any device that wasn’t part of the core console, either items that required the core console itself to function like the Game Boy Camera or the Sega CD or devices that claimed to “enhance” game play like the Power Glove. What I use this term to refer to today are games that come with a base which allows for limited but functional play and offers tons of additional content which can be added to said game to open up additional options, abilities, or play areas, be it through cards, toys, figures, or the like.

I find this style of game execution to be as stupid as IAP, a thing for suckers or unwary parents. Any game company that releases a title like this is an intelligent crook that feeds off of our inner vice to use real money to buy useless physical stuff in order to use it in a virtual world that ultimately doesn’t matter.

Now allow me to tell you why I play one of these games. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Continue reading “Cool Toys with Alex, Part 5: Lego Dimensions Bad Cop!”